By Nelly Sander, AAU Communication and Public Affairs
Photo: Shutterstock

The pace at home is fast. The children are in their rooms, it is 5.40 pm, and everything feels like a race: dinner needs cooking, the laundry needs putting away, and only then can we finally enjoy some “quality time” together before bedtime. Or can we?

Not necessarily, says Lene Tanggaard, Professor of Educational Psychology at Aalborg University. According to her, children grow and develop best when they are invited to help out, given responsibility and trusted to make a real contribution. This strengthens their wellbeing, self‑esteem and sense of belonging. In other words, children’s development mainly takes place in social settings – for example, when they take part in cooking a meal.

Better to cook than to set the table

A report from the Arla Foundation shows that fewer children than before are involved in cooking. Since 2020, the proportion has dropped by nine percentage points. Among the children who do help at dinnertime, more than 60 per cent are asked to set the table or tidy up. When children themselves are asked, they would much rather be involved in planning and preparing the meal.

“It doesn’t have to happen every day, and it shouldn’t become yet another performance project,” says Lene Tanggaard. “We shouldn’t stress about it, but invite children in when we have the energy, and allow them to find their own pace. Children don’t develop through control, but by taking part in meaningful communities where they feel that their contribution matters.”

Wet feet are learning too

Today, many adults – parents and professionals alike – spend a great deal of energy trying to secure children’s development. We observe, document and constantly look ahead to the next step. The intention is good, but we risk overlooking something important: children are developing all the time.

Every day, they solve problems, negotiate, experiment and find solutions – even when it is not noted down in schedules or measured in tests.

Lene Tanggaard gives the example of a child who steps into a shallow lake to catch a frog. Water gets into the child’s wellington boots, and the child gains a very concrete experience of what it means to get wet feet. The boot can be emptied, the experiment repeated, and the child experiences the clear link between action and consequence.

Of course, children should not be exposed to real danger. But they do need to practice being in the world – even when that involves wet socks or imperfect solutions.

When adults dare to let go

It is essential that children gradually learn to take responsibility. This is a central part of becoming both a human being and a citizen in society. Development is therefore not only about individual skills, but about learning to participate in communities – in the family, in early years settings, at school and in clubs or associations.

“Giving children responsibility requires adults to let go of control and speed. Cooking might take longer. The buns may turn out more uneven than the ones we make ourselves. But when we clear tasks out of the way to reach what we call quality time, we may also be removing children from a place where quality actually happens: in the shared work,” says Lene Tanggaard.

When the focus shifts from performance to participation, the developmental pressure many children experience is reduced. And when adults show that they believe in a child’s contribution, it strengthens the child’s belief in their own abilities.

Meet the child where they are

Children are different, and responsibility must be adapted to each child’s abilities and situation. Some need a gentle nudge to take initiative; others need help learning to give space. We learn best when challenges are just demanding enough – when we have to make a small effort. Not through artificially designed learning activities, but through ordinary everyday situations.

It might be realising that there are no potatoes left in the cupboard and asking the child to suggest an alternative side dish. Finding a new route to the playground when the road is closed due to roadworks. Or simply letting a child taste a lemon and feel their mouth pucker.

“When we invite children into what is already happening, they do not become spectators in adult lives, but active participants in a community,” says Lene Tanggaard.

Contact

• Lene Tanggaard, Professor, Department of Culture and Communication , tel.: +45 99 40 90 39, Email: lenet@ikk.aau.dk
• Nelly Sander, Project Manager, AAU Communikation and Public Affairs, tel.: +45 99 40 20 18, Email: nsa@adm.aau.dk